not perfect but passable

there is no "we" anymore, and i just can't fathom it. and i know things have happened before that i never thought possible, but this one baffles me. i finally find something worthwhile and i deny its beauty, its perfection for nothing. and thats the thing with worthwhile healthy people, when someone hurts them in a way they feel is irreparable, they leave the hurt behind and move on to what they beleive will be a better life. i don't feel that way. i know thats how it works and that it always works, life goes on. but i don't want it to. i want it to stop right here until i can reverse the damage i've done. but worthwhile poeple have a normal sense of self-worth, and i need to get that through my head i guess. so i dwell, i think on the impossible and the improbable. he's doing whats right for his life, hes happy, where he wants to be, doing what he loves. i miss him way more than he misses me, and i cant keep expecting him to feel the same way he used to. he keeps telling me that i'll be happy anywhere, anyway, if i let myself...and i get that, but i don't really, wholly, truly believe it. because wherever i am now could never be perfect, only passable.