when you wish upon a star

I wish things could just be that simple... "makes no difference who you are, your dreams come true." They're not, there's all this other bullshit that gets in the way of hope. And some of it we unwittingly create ourselves. The human race is full of self-sabotaging idiots blindly stabbing in the dark and sometimes killing more than the enemy. I know I do it, therefore everybody else must. And then there's the projectionist bullshit where we use ourselves as a basis of comparison for the whole world. Because when I can't understand something I try to project what I'm thinking and feeling onto someone else, and that doesn't work... because no one's the same. And the point of all this is that I wanted to apologize for all the self-centered shit I've pulled in my life. And there's a lot of it, considering I usually get things to work the way I'd like them to.

I'm sorry.
(and whats with english speaking people capitalizing the first person pronoun anyway, we're not that important. fuck.)
i am sorry.

which way to happy

Okay. Fighting over stupid things. But we're fine? Sure. Sure is really noncommittal. Don't push me. Fine, I'm sorry I made it a big deal. Yea you did. Right. I mean its not a big deal but you can read into it. I get it, if I had just mentioned it before... blah blah blah its my fault again.

Shed our skin let the sun shine in

Sometimes its funny how decisions are made for you. Without knowledge even. Funny. That's all there is I guess, because there's no way you can choose everything in life, some things come out to fate. Or rather just the way things are supposed to. [I was surprised when I was back where I was.]

How do you dream...

...when you can't fall asleep? Didn't get enough sleep this weekend, but sometimes that clarifies things in a strange way. I am the wild card in uno...and I can't decide if I'm excited or scared. This week needs to be good.

So thats how I'm supposed to live my life

I'm confused as to what to do. He's spending his time "getting over me until I can be there" and I'm spending mine attepmting to attain something I've already been told I can't have. So what am I going towards? A dead end? A new beginning? Who the fuck knows. All I know is that I'm supposed to be working.

confusion

I'm sick of it. This confusion. Is this okay? Are we alright?

I thought we were friends. Its ringing in my ears, all the way from Stepford. I feel like opening and closing the cupboards and dumping coffee all over the floor, because I feel like I have no one here in Cleveland except my family. My roommates are great, but my mind isn't here half the time. I miss him, I miss her, I miss life.

Don't make someone a priority...

...if to them you're only an option. This really hit home. It worries me that I might be moving to Boston for nothing... changing the entire course of my life and leaving behind my support for a dream. And no matter that I don't want to beleive that's what it is, there is a great possibility for it to turn that way. I need to know whether this will be enough... enough of a statement, enough of a proclamation. I need an answer. A definitely.